I can't eat that, sorry

I tried to make an Omelett and failed.

I am just not lucky with breakfast. Whatever I eat in the morning goes right through me and I end up on the toilet every morning. I got the CREON back out of the cupboard and they helped yesterday so today I am trying Nutella and hope they help today too.  I used to love Nutella but since chemo it just doesn't taste the same. I guess that won't change, time to find a new chocolate spread. 

 Every year I tell myself not to get into any family disputes, dramas or pre-Christmas-shopping escapades. But again, also this year, that did not work out well so far. There is the occasional drama, the last-minute-shopping fear and the food. The food stresses me out the most, I won't be able to eat anything and won't be able to enjoy what I can eat because I am eating the same stuff every day. One of the reasons why here is not a Post EVERY day, it's just the same. Fitting to that we caught Corona and now there was a week break for me anyway. I have no reserves and my body can't cope with any extra stress. Today is the first day I don't feel completely knackered and would love to do something again. I still need some time on the sewing machine for some presents. And I have to finish the crochet shawl I want to give to a friend. And I still don't have any ideas for my Husband. It was just his birthday so very difficult to find something now.

I really struggle to find a breakfast that does not kick off dumping right away. For a while the Buttered-Jam-Bun in the morning worked fine but since a week it makes me fatigued and running to the toilet almost immediately. So today I try something new. Müsli with dry fruits and some chocolate drops in Oat milk. I was never a friend of Müsli but I am out of ideas. My special breakfast with hashbrowns and beans does not work anymore and the bun does not work. The dry wrap with nothing does work but is just a boring and dull wrap. It's difficult to cope with those random changes. It could also well be, that in a week I can eat a bun with hashbrowns no problem. But who has the time to try out a new breakfast every now and then, risking to be out of service for the next 2 hours? ** Update: Nope. That didn't work either.

Every year on the 5th of December my mother would run through the house and ask me "Did you clean your shoes yet?" or "Why haven't you cleaned your shoes yet?" or "When will you clean your shooo-oooes?". And every year I would clean them very thoroughly on just that one day because if they are not clean then St. Nikolaus wouldn't put any sweets in them. St. Nikolaus comes over night to every door and puts a sweet into the shoes. Originally it was a dish the family would put out. It goes back to St. Nikolaus who was famous for giving children and families who were not able to afford food some fruits and vegetables. Traditionally it is only that, fruits and some sweets. Yearly I would find an orange in my shoes along with a chocolate father Christmas and I would love it. Of course the tradition has changed and these days kids would find PlayStation games or - depending on their parents - a PlayStation in their shoes. It has grown into a second Christ...

Once you got the diagnosis of an illness that might kill you and you have been through all the treatment and fought for your life, you see things differently.  I don't care if I arrive somewhere 5-15 minutes late, because my toddler wanted to close his jacket by himself, anymore. I always prefer an extra cuddle by my daughter from an 'important' business call. I have learned that the priorities I had before the diagnosis are actually not important. Time with my family and friends, time for myself, a chat with a colleague at the coffee machine about their new arrived grandchild is so much more important than that one ticket about a printer which does not print. This, of course, has an impact because that printer, which does not print, might be a priority of someone else, who has not gone through a life changing illness and might still think it is more important to get those print outs to marketing within the next 10 minutes and does not want to wait 30 minutes or more. I try...

We love going out to the pub and we try to have a naughty family meal out at least once a week. Of course that tradition was less enjoyable for me and still is a bit difficult. I do not enjoy the food. Either it's a meal that I cannot eat a quarter of but still pay full price or it's kids meal, with beige in beige and no effort. Sometimes it's a starter but there are not many pubs with good starters.  Today it was gammon with fries and a fried egg, even though I can't eat the egg. The gammon was chewy and the fries tasted old. In the same pub I had adult meals before and never had the fries tasted like this. So maybe today was just not the right day or the effort for kids is just the minimum. 

Everything that is putting pressure on my stomach is unconformable. Unfortunately the pressure that water has is already too much. So the relaxing and comforting bath is neither anymore. Only if I haven't eaten or drunken in a while it is okay but still not comfortable. I really would love a soak but do not like the pressure. So the best time for a bath is the morning. Right after the school run for 20 minutes and then breakfast. 

Sunday is a time for relaxing and more comfort food. What's better comfort food than pancakes? Everything that's sweet can go into a pancake for me but I have also tried them with serano and Philadelphia before.

I got the request if I could share the recipe for my special post oesophagectomy risotto and here it is. 250 g Chicken breast 250 g baby mushrooms  Vegetables that are okay for a stir fry (carrots, swede, zucchini, green beans, peas, corn etc.) i usually take a frozen vegetable mix and fresh ones that are left overs. Vegetable stock 1 table spoon flour A table spoon of Butter if you need to gain weight  Full fat Creame (I have plant based Creame because I lactose intolerant)  Oil for frying (I take rape seed oil)  Risotto rice (a mug full)  Salt, pepper, paprika, herbs you like Dice the chicken breast and mushrooms into a big frying pan or a wok (those woks with lids are great for that), add salt and pepper and start boiling some water in a pan for the rice). When the water is boiling add the rice and cook for at least 10 minutes and not more than 15 minutes, pour into a sieve and leave the rice on the side for later.  Fry the chicken and mushro...

I wasn't. I never liked cake or anything other than chocolate or custard for pudding. Since I've moved to the UK I have certainly improved my cake game. After a stroll through - 3 degrees this afternoon it's no question that we celebrate with a cake and some hot chocolate. I only are half of that which meant the rest was shared with everybody.  The kids appreciated that. 

I never had a talent for cooking and I never enjoyed it. Growing up with my father means I could cook exactly three dishes, by the time I moved out. That was toast with ketchup, pasta (plain) and ready-mix soup from a bag. My grandmother was a great cook and with a bit of effort from my side she could have taught me more than she did but I was not interested in cooking. I did not see the point. If course that has changed over the years but I never really got on with cooking. Still I think that some of the things I cook are actually enjoyable and healthy. During the last year when I couldn't eat properly I lost the fun in cooking and only did the basics. Only recently it has changed again. Now I am enjoying cooking again and today I make one of my favourite dishes which my kids actually eat even though it contains lots of vegetables.  It's a chicken risotto with every vegetable that's left in the fridge. It seems to not cause me any issues either, even when I eat...

I never really liked gammon but if done in a slow cooker it is the softest meat. It can be a bit dry so sauce is mandatory. There is a slow cooked version in the tesco ready meals aisle at the moment and I tried it a few weeks ago for the first time. Since then it is in our rotation as a special Sunday or Saturday dish. Usually with mashed potatoes or fried rice but today we were all in a fries mood. Also my all over health is still a bit damaged so I wanted to keep it simple.  Beef steak is unfortunately a bit too chewy for me so a good piece of gammon is enough to satisfy my cravings for meat that I have since surgery.