'tis the season

Christmas is already a challenging time for me anyway as all those hits of fate seem to have happened during Christmas time or made this time really dull. The last person, who made Christmas a holiday to celebrate for me died in 2014 and since then I had nobody really to celebrate it with. Apart from making a great fest for my children of course, personally I had no feelings for Christmas at all.

It feels like this will be the first year, when I really would like to celebrate Christmas as I did when I was a child. With baking biscuits, putting up the tree and decorate it together, gazing at the neighbours lights and of course putting some up myself. I went a bit overboard with buying presents this year too. 

I think the main reason for that is, that last year I thought that I would have had my last Christmas already. I was 2 days after Chemo last year and could not celebrate anything. Of course I tried for the kids but it was embarrassingly little to no fun for them - or understandably. The last Christmas before that was the first of our son, complete sleep deprived and not ready for anything either. I even forgot to buy presents that year. So this year, I want to make it really special. Just in case, even though I got the all clear for now, that can change rapidly but then my last Christmas will have been one to remember. Hopefully positive.